This little bundle of spit and noise and dirty diapers absolutely turns your life around. Around and upside down. And backward and sideways and in reverse.
Every night is a night in. Going out dancing, to a movie, a fancy dinner? No more. Sometimes you look at it all, compare your life before and after your little wet-faced baby, and miss some things. Miss staring into the eyes of your incredible partner over a candlelit dinner without having a rag toy tossed at your head or a yet-to-be-burped fussy baby to worry about. Sometimes you lie in bed unable to sleep because what if she just stops breathing? Or she’s been crying and the minute you close your eyes, she cries again. And you think about those nights you used to stay awake after midnight because you actually wanted to and could sleep in the next day because you had absolutely nothing else to worry about. You miss them sometimes, and now, everything’s different. You’re tired, you don’t shower as often (or how about a bath? Forget it…) and you rarely go anywhere just because you want to. A trip solo to the grocery store can seem like a vacation.
And sometimes you get to thinking these thoughts and suddenly hear her giggle and your heart melts and a smile comes across your face. Or your mind wanders and suddenly you feel a tug on your pant leg and, you don’t even quite know why, but you’re overwhelmed with an appreciation for this little life that’s now in your hands. Or as your baby sleeps, you stay up to watch her, watch her little chest go up and down as she breathes, and you forget you’re tired and there’s nothing you’d rather do more than sit there with her, lie there with her and keep her safe.
Sometimes you miss parts of your old life, but, really, there isn’t a thing you’d change. Now, you’ve got her.
Check out MommyShorts creator Ilana’s reflection on her life, past and present, here.